Well now here we are. The last day of the last week of my stay. Happy Friday!!! said the only American girl staying here this morning, as she says every week. Every single English atom of my being hates this. One time she said this and followed it with "But I would also say Happy Tuesday!". While that very English part of me wanted to snap at her, another even more English part took over so instead I said "Yes, so would I probably."

I digress somewhat. So, my week. Its been action packed it really has. Apart from Monday which was fairly normal although I did play football with bare feet like everyone else, and instantly realised that I had soft pink feet and they did not. I hurt. Tuesday was a lot of fun as we organised our own sixaside footy tournament for about 30 kids. We were worried if they would all turn up beforehand, but actually around 100 more came to watch! I had the honour of refereeing the final between team A and team B and you will be somewhat unmoved to learn that team A won. But they did, and were presented with some lovely football shirts. They seemed touched at the time, but the next day I did see one of them using one of the shirts as a towel at the beach. Needs must as they say.

Wednesday was my meeting with the Chief of the village! Well now this was an honour. And by gum was he old. You'll be able to see this for yourself when I bring home the photos, but to say that he was as old as the hills would be doing hills everywhere an injustice. Wisdom seeped from his every pore. (is it seeped? sept possibly?) I don't know why but I imagined some kind of all singing all dancing karate chopping chief, but then again I do have the mind of an 8 year old. I should have remembered Pocahontas where the chief is very very old. I think I know someone who looks like Pocahontas. Hmm. Anyway at the chief's house we had lunch, which was sema (a kind of flour based very plan base food) and cabbage, tomatoes and eggs. It was actually superb considering it had been cooked under a makeshift shelter in a rusty pan over a tiny fire. Chiefy, if you're reading this, ta very much for the scoff.

Thursday is (until midnight) yesterday, so I should remember it quite well. But I don't. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm school... then I think AH YES I remember now, we had another African cooked meal with the headteacher and his deputy to celebrate us leaving. No wait... oh you know what I mean. Celebrate our stay would perhaps be better. I returned home to find my roommate Nick still ill. Rumours circulate today about possible malaria, which sounds REALLY SCARY DOESN'T IT. A couple of weeks ago I was out of action for a few days with a small bug. As people returned home after projects on one day one of the girls, who was a medical volunteer, came to see how I was doing. I described the symptoms and just explained that I was a bit under the weather. She however saw fit to mention, in passing, the M word. Malaria. So named after the italian for 'bad air' because people used to think it was spread respiratorially. Malaria. Not being a medically clued up guy but actually somewhat of a hypochondriac, and her being a student of medicine, I may have panicked. Frantic texts were sent, wills were written, smelling salts were ordered and sent away again, I had people scrubbing my feet, people fanned me with palm leaves - I loved it.

In reality (now this may shock you) most of those are lies, and as I said - I only had a bug.

Friday is today and the last day of projects. A very sad day - saying goodbye to all the people I have met on projects is emotional. Yesterday I got so emotional saying goodbye to one of the football coaches I gave him the shirt off my back. He gave me some nice bracelets today though - what a charming man.

Anyway I think I'm late for a boat. We are taking some of the kids to another village along the coast to do a play they've been working on and all involved are very excited. This could be my last proper blog from the country because we have a hectic last weekend ahead.

If it is I thank you for reading and supporting me while out here. I will probably write again from Nairobi as I have a 6 hour stopover and I know theres an internet cafe.

Until next time, tionana, and nobubu.

So here I sit, a couple of hours removed from a remarkable trip to Liwonde national park, and my what a weekend it was. We were whisked away on friday afternoon, and upon arrival at the park at around half past i have no idea we caught our first sighting of elephants. And LOADS of them there were! I was snapping like a Japanese tourist and probably have about a zillion of the same pictures but oh well. Served me right when my battery ran out early the next day AND my phone battery ran out soon after. We saw hippos (funny animals to look at, but don't tell any of them I said that) and warthogs and baboons and impalas. I also saw a girl from the year above at Sevenoaks, which was weird - but she was in the lodge and not in the wild which to be honest was kind of a disappointment.

Quote of the weekend went to the chap who took us on the walking safari, who told us before we started "We will walk slowly so as not to scare the animals". Someone asked "Might we have to run?" and his reply was simply "I will tell you when to run". His use of 'when' instead of 'if' scared me a little. And we did have to run by the way because he didn't spot one elephant until quite late at one stage and we were very close. His bad. In the car at one stage (much safer to have a metal box to sit in) we were around maybe 15 yards away from 4 elephants - two grown ups and 2 babies - which was incredible. No photos though, sorry...

Weather here is really quite sweltering, which is nice in terms of the outside chance of my first ever tan, but not nice to work in and especially not to play football in. Sorry to interrupt myself but a duck just walked past the door of this room. Vintage Africa. Anywho yes, it has been rather hot (not to worry, the ducks gone back the way it came) and sticky here so the fact that the Lake itself is at the bottom of the garden is most welcoming. I've also been doing a lot more coaching than playing football recently...

This is, readers, my last week of African fun! It feels like its gone SO quickly but i guess 3 weeks is quite a long time. I am sure that this week will go fast. My plans include a beer with the Headmaster of the school I've been working at tomorrow, a mini football tournament on Tuesday, and lunch with the Chief of the village on Wednesday. I've been told he likes Sobo, which is a bit like Ribena.

Well that seems enough out of me for now.

Until next time, tionana, and nobubu.

huge apologies for the lack of blogging this week chaps and chapettes but the internets been down THE WHOLE TIME. its been really annoying us all if im honest, although obviously we are lucky to get it at all blah blah blah. ANYWAY so much to catch up on...

this week for the first time i did football at a small pitch in another village. its classic africa - almost like if it was on a fifa game it would be like 'african village' setting. goals made of sticks and grass tied together for a crossbar, goats running round, huts surrounding the pitch. lots of fun. and one kid who has such good feet i genuinely think he could be pro... i might discover him and he could be like the best player ever... sounds like a movie if ever i heard one. i vote hugh grant to play me.

this weeks teaching was fun because its holidays, so we're just doing educational games and stuff (ok well you will be the judge of 'fun'). on friday we did sports day which they loved and we took them down the lake to swim, which they loved as well. then that eve went out on the lake on a boat and watched the sun set: good fun until Nick the guy im rooming with decided to (accidentally) drop his phone in the water. what a tw

at the end of the day we're not just here to volunteer - we're here to explore as well. so with this thought in our minds we decided to visit a crocodile farm yesterday. well what fun it was! they had all different sizes of crocs (not the shoes), from about a foot right up to mahoosive 10 footers. i know. we held one of the little ones which was neat, and as you can probably predict the size of the crocodile we held will of course increase every time i tell this story.

i don't want to be that guy, but i feel i should just a little. obviously its not just fun and games out here. poverty is all around, to the extent that drinking water from a bottle while in one of the villages makes you feel so guilty. there is one kid (who i cant remember if i mentioned before) but who for no reason other than just to help me walked an hour long round trip so i could find the right path home, and i havnt seen him at all for about a week and a half. there may be nothing amiss, but it does remind you of the sobering side to the situation.

anyway must dash - halfway through now folks! its flown by. even though its only been two weeks though i feel really engrained in the culture and love it here. i could murder a curry and a proper lager though...

until next time, tionana, and nobubu.

hello again my friends. they say there is no rest for the wicked: conversely that must mean there is rest for volunteers. therefore i am writing today from the comfort of a hotel reception computer in the fat monkeys establishment in cape mclear - MALAWI SUMMER 09 ON TOUR!!!!!!!!!

not really, we're just here for a weekend. anywho the ride here was fun-we got sumthing called a matola which is a pickup truck that u jst ride along in the back of. i know what you're thinking, maybe a little unsafe? well no actually becoz with anything between 20 and 30 people in there you actually get squeezed in quite nicely, like a big organic seatbelt and airbag system. in addition the 8 petrol canisters at the back do give you something to hang on to.

in order to keep any mothers reading this happy, most notably mine, i didnt get killed. in fact the only medical mishaps i have so far are when i forget i have suncream on my hands and rub my eyes. really quite a nasty one that. i had a pizza last night for dins and full english for breakfast-could well have set the world record for timed food consumption. not that we're eating badly in any way, its just a little repetitive and theres not much meat action going on. going on a boat and scuba thing later which is supposed to be great giggles and also very cheap! like everything out here. when i changed $600 at the airport i was handed about 80,000 kwacha (malawi moneys) in return! i thought i was a millionaire! (that last sentence is wildly incorrect on many levels).

right well id better get back to tanning, or burning in my case. damn this translucent skin.

tionana, until next time, and nobubu.

ok well this is th first one actually from malawi making it a wee bit special i suppose. let me fill you in...

this place is amazing. the scenery is jst beautiful, especially with us being literally our garden away from the beach of the lake. just a stunner. obviously there have been a few culture shocks but nothing untoward - i will count myself lucky if the power stays on while i do this. on that note this internet is right dodgy so if anyones sent me a message particularly on facebook then apologies if the reply takes its time.

malawi people. basically i am a 'mazungu' (dont quite know the spelling) which means foreigner. so they shout this at us when we walk through the villages, usually followed by 'give me money' or 'give me pen'. the best way to deal with this is to reply 'no, you give me money/pen' which really throws them. although apparently one of the girls tried that the other day and the kid actually gave her his shirt! not really the way its supposed to work... but the thing is shouting at us and demanding stuff isnt them being rude its just their way. they barely know much more english at that age than 'give me...' and hello and what is your name. the amount of conversations ive had today which go:
me: hello
Malawi kid: hello
me: how are you?
malawi kid: i am fine how are you?
me: i am fine. what is your name?
Malawi kid: Malawi kid. what is your name?
Me: will
Malawi kid: willy?
me: yes.
(awkward silence)
me: goodbye
malawi kid: goodbye.

but thats how they are taught, in full phrases. some of them aged 14 or 15 r better tho. ANYWAY more to follow but my 20 mins computer time is almost up.

until next time. (tianama in malawi)

Day minus one and here I sit in a depressing airport lounge at Heathrow. A whole pound for 10 computer minutes is a bit of a joke, as is the £3 i just paid for a iced caramel macchiato. Which is disgusting. Also I just found out something very interesting (OK well you will be the judge of that) - the electrical plugs in Malawi are EXACTLY THE SAME shape as British ones. So in these credit crunch times it looks like a trip to Malawi will save on adaptor costs. Top tip there.

Anyway better be going, I've got to go and buy one of those god-awful overpriced caps with LONDON written on it that tourists buy because I left my hat at home.

Until next time.